


Bonfire on the Beach

by glitteredsins, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Antony Starr and Stephen Amell [145]
Category: Actor RPF, Arrow (TV 2012) RPF, Banshee (TV) RPF, Canadian Actor RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), New Zealand Actor RPF, The Boys (TV 2019) RPF
Genre: BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:53:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23824879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitteredsins/pseuds/glitteredsins, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica
Summary: In Citadel, Antony Starr is an AU (alternate universe) character. He tells people he's an IT Risk Management and Computer Security Consultant (his official cover) but really he's a ex-military, sometimes mercenary, computer hacker and master thief hired by collectors and other ruthless people to steal for them: art, jewels, money, information... Citadel knows Antony's true occupation and he would never target the organization or any of its membership. Through Cit, he's met Stephen Amell (played RL) and fallen hard. This is their story.
Relationships: Stephen Amell/Antony Starr
Series: Citadel: Antony Starr and Stephen Amell [145]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/303195
Kudos: 2





	Bonfire on the Beach

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-posting (archiving) of all logs for the Antony Starr/Stephen Amell storyline in the BDSM RPS RPG [Citadel](http://citadel.dreamwidth.org/read).

**players only. backdated to 2014. takes place after[this walk around the island](https://antony-starr.dreamwidth.org/21018.html).**

_warnings: none_

It's a beautiful night, just enough of a breeze along the water to keep the mosquitoes away. Kim and Christos have gone into town, both wanting to see what the local social scene has to offer, while Marcus and Logan have stayed behind, having dinner with Antony and Stephen. Clean-up had been a joint effort and now they're gathered on the beach, a small tub of beer in ice kept within reach but away from the bonfire, Antony seated on a huge old log beside Stephen while his husband and the other men settle in beach chairs. There's supposed to be a fourth one but it seems to have wandered away, and Antony's quite happy with how sitting on the log gives him an excuse to lean against Stephen's leg, smile up at his husband. Three beers in and he's got a nice light buzz going, laughing as Logan shares some story about getting so pissed one night in a brothel in Marrakesh that he took a wrong turn out of the room he was in and fell two storeys to the street below, with no actual harm done except a ton of bruises.

"You fucking bounced," Antony says, making Logan laugh even harder.

"Damn right I did." Logan grins, not in the least bit embarrassed.

It's so good, Stephen thinks, to see Antony more relaxed, in fact, he can't really recall seeing Antony like this around other people since, well, their wedding. Swapping his beer into his other hand, he reaches to caress the nape of Antony's neck, a gesture so reminiscent of the times Antony has done the same to him it pulls Stephen up short for a moment.

"So," he offers, leaning forward a little. "When you teach me the Antony Starr Take No Shit Ways, will that include how to bounce?" he teases. It's been four days since their frank talk under the tree, and Stephen has finally started to work out under Kim's watchful eye, something that has left Stephen feeling he might just be okay.

Antony laughs, eyes crinkling, leaning into Stephen's touch. "That one's easy," he says. "You just get so pissed your whole body becomes rubber."

"It doesn't always work," Marcus points out, his words a little thicker than usual, a couple of shots ahead of Antony. "Sometimes you wouldn't be doing whatever stupid thing you're doing if you weren't drunk in the first place."

"Fuck, I can't even remember when I got that drunk..." Stephen's face scrunches up as he tries to remember. "Oh! Um, the wrap party for the last season of Arrow." He leans forward again. "You were away, thank god, I crawled into bed, passed out, and woke up in my clothes, with lipstick smeared up my face and felt like death all day."

"There's your problem," Logan jokes, gesturing at Antony for another beer. "You have to keep drinking the next day."

"Lipstick, huh?" Antony says at the same time but it's clear he's teasing. He tosses Logan another bottle.

"Katie," Stephen laughs, the name should give Antony all the explanation he needs having met her. "Who knew tequila had _that_ effect on her, especially when she was doing body shots off of Emily."

Christ. "That's a pretty mental picture, right there," Antony says, shaking his head and taking another swig.

"Oh she was asking after you," Stephen adds with a wink at Marcus. "And I _may_ have just been drunk enough to let her know about how 'blessed' you are, because I'm not at all smug about that, nope."

Logan spits out a mouthful of beer onto the sand. It's not exactly a secret that Antony's packing but their banter and Stephen's casual reference to it? Fuck. "Wait. Can I ask you something?" Because ever since he got drafted to this job and realized there _was_ a Stephen, he's been wondering. "Are you actually bisexual?"

Antony nods. "Card-carrying," he jokes, amusing himself if no one else. "But I haven't been acting on it much lately," he adds with a smile up at Stephen. "Not since I met this guy."

"Bisexual, greedy..." Stephen sing songs in a tease. "Though I have wondered about how much of it you can fit in," he adds crudely. "I mean fuck, it's tickled my tonsils more than once."

It's Antony's turn to choke on his drink. "How many of these have you had?" he accuses playfully, holding up his beer.

"Now it all makes sense," Logan laughs, although fuck. Packing must be an understatement. He grins at Marcus. "Lombok."

"Not enough?" Stephen retorts, making a grab for Antony's bottle. "Wait, what?" He glances up at Logan. "Lombok?"

Marcus sinks further down into his chair, shaking his head.

"Can I?" Logan asks Antony.

"It's not that funny," Antony protests, handing Stephen a full bottle and draining his own before opening another. At this rate, he's going to need another half dozen at least.

"Yes, it is," Logan insists. "We were on a job," he starts, having been told by Marcus they no longer have to censor themselves. Mostly. "And when we finished, the guy, who also owned a whorehouse, decides that on top of our pay, we all need to be serviced by his girls. Whole night, as many as we want."

"Oh classy," Stephen comments as he tosses his empty bottle and takes a drink from the fresh one. "Go on..."

"So we're all in our rooms, and you have to remember, this is Indonesia so the girls are really small, and they're used to seeing everything and doing everything," Logan tells Stephen, warming up to his subject, his hands flying. "Suddenly there's this scream and we all come out of our rooms and Antony's girl comes flying out of theirs and she's yelling at her boss and we can't figure out what the hell is going on. It's Antony for god's sake and he gets rid of anyone who treats women badly. But she's acting like he's committed murder or something and finally it comes out. She wants _hazard_ pay. She says he's too big and she won't be able to work for weeks. And she won't go back in the room until she gets it." He laughs.

Antony ducks his head a little. It's not the first time he'd had that reaction, nor the last.

Stephen has to cradle his healing ribs as he laughs out loud at that. "Oh, I can empathise with her, the first time I got a proper look at it, it was about this far from my nose," He holds up his finger and thumb about four inches apart. "So… did she get her hazard money husband mine?" Stephen asks sweetly.

"Yes, but only so she'd shut up," Antony says with a sigh. "I didn't actually fuck her."

"Seriously?" Logan's learning all sorts of interesting stuff. "What about that girl in Bangkok?"

"Her I fucked," Antony admits, wondering why he's the one getting picked on. And deciding turnabout is fair play. "What about you? You took two girls into your room in Lombok."

"Yeah, and I fucked them both," Logan retorts.

"But you would've rather been fucking that tuk tuk driver," Antony points out, watching Marcus's eyes widen and his head swivel towards Logan.

"Ha!" Stephen exclaims, leaning forward to point at Logan. "I fucking knew it! You pinged my gaydar the moment I was sober enough from the drugs to notice." He waves his bottle at Marcus. "At this rate Marcus is gonna be the only straight guy here!"

Marcus stares at Logan a moment longer. "Are they right?" But of course they are. He just doesn't get how everyone knows or knew except him.

"Really?" Logan looks crestfallen at Stephen's pronouncement. "I thought I hid it pretty well, and I'm like Antony. Bisexual, only even less on the het side of things," he admits, rubbing a hand over his face.

"You do hide it well," Antony assures him. "Stephen's just got _really_ good gaydar and I'm good at reading people, period."

"Ah, don't sweat it, dude, I'm pretty good at picking up on the homo vibes, and even more so when they're underpinned by a dominant lean," Stephen slides his tongue in his cheek as he winks at Logan.

Marcus frowns, feeling like the whole conversation is going over his head. "What dominant lean?"

Antony blows out a breath. "Logan's like me. He likes men more than women and he prefers to be with people who are submissive." It's so fucking simplistic it's not even funny but it's the easiest way to explain things to Marcus. "That right?" He checks in with Logan.

Logan just nods and finishes off his beer, getting up to grab some more wood to add to the fire. "You know what it's like, working with the people we do," he says, addressing everyone and then Marcus, "Hell, they don't even get you don't do anything with anyone, and the only reason you get away with it is you're scary as shit."

Arching an eyebrow at that Stephen watches Marcus for his response. He's not spent a whole lot of time debating Marcus' sex life, but he has definitely wondered what gets the other guy off. "Yeah, what is the deal huh? You can tell me to mind my own if you want, just because I share more than Antony's comfortable with," he nudges his husband with his knee there, "it doesn't mean you have to."

Marcus motions to Antony for another beer and once he has one and has taken a long drink, he finally says, "I find arousal in things no one should find arousal in, so I don't act on my desires at all."

Logan gives Stephen a look. _See? Scary as shit._

Stephen blinks hard at that, he feels some tension in Antony where his husband is still leaning against him. "Fuck man, that's gotta be tough." He shakes his head, not wanting to think too much on that.

"It was, when I was younger, but now I'm used to living this way," Marcus says simply.

For his part Antony doesn't even want to think about when Marcus was younger or about the glimpses he's had into Marcus's head. Into his darkest desires. Fuck. "You know about Tommy, right?" he says to Logan, knowing for sure Logan does. That he wouldn't have been sent otherwise.

Stephen sinks back in his chair, nursing his beer, wondering if he should have even asked that question. Especially given it seems Antony is keen to redirect the subject.

"Oh yeah," Logan nods. "Twinks all the way." Which sets him and Antony off into a discussion of how Tommy can also be attracted to a full-grown very womanly woman at the same time.

"Twinks?" Marcus says to Stephen, hoping the other man will help him out.

"Pretty, young guys," Stephen elaborates, "My co-star Colton, he'd class as a twink, just about." he shrugs. "They're usually bottoms, they like an older guy, a daddy or a bear."

"And Tommy is a daddy or a bear?" Marcus asks, the words weird in his mouth.

"I have no idea," Stephen shrugs, "if Antony was into twinks he'd be a bear," he laughs at that, "all that body hair...plus he made it very clear when we met that calling him 'daddy' was a 'hell no'. Which is cool, because that's so not my thing either."

"So it's body hair that makes someone a bear and a lack of it that makes them a twink," Marcus says, working his way through the concepts, his mind not the clearest for doing that. "What makes them a daddy?"

Chuckling Stephen shakes his head, "No, it's not that simple. A bear is usually an older guy who's hairy and a dominant, a twink is young, cute, usually bare-assed, and submissive. A daddy is a guy who likes to take a more...nurturing role, or they just like the fucked-up-ness of a boy they're fucking calling them that. A daddy is usually older too, so it's about age play too for some." He pauses for a moment, smiling to himself. "I guess I was a twink back when I first hooked up on the kink scene."

"And you liked daddys and bears then?" Marcus asks.

"I've never liked daddys, but yeah, I liked the bear look, a butch, hairy man," he casts Antony an amused glance at that.

"And you knew Logan was like Antony, dominant," Marcus says, filing each and every piece of information away for later digestion. "How?"

Antony laughs loudly, Logan's comment about Tommy's tastes so fucking wrong but hilarious at the same time. "I'm saving this shit up," he warns the other man, clearly kidding. "This is good blackmail material. To use on you, not him."

Another shrug and a half smile. "I don't know, I'm naturally submissive, something in me recognizes that in them. With Antony it was instant, I mean like the moment our eyes met, I knew. He read me easily too. We agreed to an ongoing D/s relationship the following evening."

"Is that usual?" Marcus asks. "For things to happen that fast?"

Logan gives it right back and Antony keeps giving him grief, encouraging the man to more, but now his attention's on his husband and Marcus, having caught Stephen's last.

"Oh hell no," Stephen shakes his head. "One-night things are not unusual, that's just like a normal hook up, but a D/s relationship, with a contract? That usually takes time. Before Antony I was never offered anything more than short-term contracts. Nothing more than three or six months at a time."

Marcus smiles. "That sounds like him," he says, nodding his beer towards Antony. "When he knows what he wants, he doesn't hesitate in going after it. All in." It's been the way Antony's always chosen jobs over the years, that snap gut-driven decision-making, and it's made the lot of them very very wealthy. The only time it's led them wrong was with Zoran but the whole changeover with Dhimitër and what went down with the Russian just before had clouded things.

"Actually, it was me that asked him if he'd be my Sir," Stephen corrects, reaching out to run his hand over Antony's hair. "Right after he'd given me a taste of what kind of a dominant he was. I was scene drunk, spaced, otherwise I would never have had the balls to ask him."

Antony leans into the touch, smiling up at Stephen, even as he tosses a piece of ice at Logan. All his emotions, everything he feels for Stephen, written on his face, clear and open and right out there for anyone to see.

Marcus makes a sound, the full force of what's been between these two men hitting him. He may not get all of it. He may still resent Stephen for some of it. But he doesn't for a second doubt it or why Antony would be willing to give everything else up. He's never seen his friend look like that. Never seen anyone or anything make him feel like that. "It's good you did," he says softly, draining the last of his beer.

Glancing up at that, Stephen nods. His life would have looked very different indeed if he had let Antony get away. "Did he tell you what I've decided to do?"

"He told me you want him to train you, for us to help out with some of that, and he mentioned you might not be going back to Arrow," Marcus says, gesturing for Antony to hand him another beer. "Is that what you mean?"

Antony hands one over, opening up another for himself, listening half in on the conversation while Logan disappears to take a piss in the bushes.

"Not just that, but yeah all that," Stephen reaches for a fresh beer of his own. "I'm going to come out, publicly."

Marcus makes another one of his sounds. "Does that mean he'll come out with you, that people will know you're married?"

Stephen looks down at Antony. "I don't know. That's not my decision to make, that's his, he can stay in the background if he wants to. But I'm done with hiding who I am. It's not healthy for me." And it's only now that Stephen wonders if Antony can 'go public' or if that too would invite more historical trouble into their world. _Fuck._

"He must mean to," Marcus says with a rough sigh. "He's been dividing up our remaining jobs between myself and anyone who's been our primary competition. He also promised to send anything that's offered to him after he's out to those same competitors with them taking turns. It'll settle them. They'll have money, his jobs, evidence he's out. He's always been transparent in our world so there's no skeletons in the closet, no one still pissed off at him." He looks to Stephen. "Make him. I know you say it's not your decision to make but all this stuff, getting out, all of it, it's for you, so make him come out as well. It'll protect him."

That was not what Stephen was expecting to hear at all. He blinks, leaning forward, his brow furrowed. "And you? Will you stay with us?" he asks, surprising himself that he's his first thought because it sounded a lot like Marcus might want to put distance between them.

Marcus sets his jaw, staring at Stephen for a long minute. "If you make him come out, I will," he says. "There's enough on the side I can do that I won't feel trapped and maybe... the other things he wants to do, the legit things, will be enough. I don't know what that will look like yet. But I'll stay if you make him come out." Never mind that he'd never intended on leaving in the first place. This is his way of guaranteeing Antony's safety, through Stephen.

"He needs you," Stephen states softly. "He's going to resist showing me the dark parts of himself. You and he, you need each other. _I_ want you to stay," he blows out a breath and nods. "Okay, deal." And it's not like it'll make their life together so, so much easier. The idea he can be seen out, with Antony, hand in hand… hell yeah.

"Deal," Marcus says, holding out his hand and ignoring the look Antony gives him.

Stephen shakes on it, hoping he hasn't just made a huge fucking mistake. If he's out, if Antony's out, their life together will look a whole lot different. He pushes up out of his chair, taking a moment to steady himself. "I gotta go piss," he announces. "Also… there should be baked goods..."

Antony catches the whole of that and laughs. "There's cookies in a tin on top of the fridge," he says, having kept a fresh supply baked just for such an occasion.

Stephen wanders back up to the heart of the villa, only a little unsteady on his feet, it's only when he reaches the kitchen that he realises he's done so alone. He pauses and turns around, pushing down the urge to panic, he takes a deep breath, consciously calming himself. "You got this, you're fine..." he murmurs to himself as he goes in search of the promised cookies. With the tin tucked under his arm Stephen fixes his gaze on the beach and the glow of the fire and makes himself walk back.

Antony's shifted to Stephen's chair just long enough to question Marcus over the 'deal' he and Stephen were making, Logan's asking what they're talking about putting paid to that. Antony gives Marcus a look that says they're not done with the subject but takes a deep drink of his beer, smiling up at Stephen as he returns with the cookies. "They're salted caramel chip," he says, slowly getting up from the chair.

"Really?" Stephen looks between the tin and Antony before reaching out with his free hand to stall Antony moving further away, he presses a quick kiss to his husband's mouth. "Thank you, that was very thoughtful."

Antony smiles, eyes crinkling, swaying a little at the kiss. Or it could be the alcohol. He's lost track at this point. "My pleasure," he murmurs, taking a seat on the log again.

"You think it's safe to go swimming here at night?" Logan asks, eyeing the moonlit water.

"What? You're not going to join in sampling Antony's baking?" Stephen asks with mock outrage as he takes his seat. "Look!" he cracks open the tin and waves it under Logan's nose.

"Oh my god," Logan breathes, all thoughts of swimming gone from his drunken brain. He grabs a cookie and takes a bite. "Mm. So good." He eyes Stephen for a moment. "You mind if I smoke?"

"I know right?" Stephen offers the tin around before responding to Logan's question. "Knock yourself out."

Logan shoves the cookie into his mouth before disappearing into the guesthouse and coming back with a small tin containing a lighter and a couple of already rolled joints. "You smoke?" he asks Stephen, lighting up and taking a drag before he hands it off to Marcus and sneaks another cookie from the tin.

The unmistakable smell of marijuana perfumes the air, and Stephen grins at the question. "Not for a long time," he admits, "but I wouldn't say no."

"Awesome." Logan grins, pulling a baggie of weed and papers from his back pocket.

Antony laughs, shaking his head, watching Marcus take a hit and pass the joint to Stephen.

Stephen takes the joint and take a cautious first toke, well aware how long it really has been, he holds the smoke in his lungs for a moment before exhaling and taking another. When he's done he offers it to Antony. "Here."

"You're a bad influence," Antony kids Logan, giving Stephen a smile before he takes a drag and then another. "Mm. Fuck. That's good stuff," he says, coughing a little as he exhales.

"Only the best for me," Logan crows happily, shaking his head as Antony goes to hand it back. "Keep that one. I'll make some more." Lighting the other joint from his tin and handing it to Marcus once he's taken a couple of tokes.

Antony takes another hit before passing the joint back to Stephen. It's not something he'd want to do all the time, no drug is, but right now, here, with no fucking responsibilities at all, except taking care of Stephen, it feels fucking amazing. He grins at his husband. "Can I have another cookie?"

"Sure," Stephen rescues the tin from Logan's reach and sets it at his feet. Stephen is kind of surprised that Antony had taken the joint, more so that he seemed at ease smoking it. He leans in and presses his lips to Antony's ear. "You should know, historically, weed makes me horny." And with that he straightens up, smiling happily at the other two men.

Fuck. Antony's cock gives a very deliberate throb. "You're not careful, you'll go through your whole stash tonight," he tells Logan, watching him deftly roll joint after joint, mouthing 'tease' with a smile at his husband as Stephen looks back. He breaks a cookie in half and pops part in his mouth.

"What makes you think this is my whole stash," Logan grins.

"Are you telling me that you used my private fucking plane to smuggle drugs hmm?" Stephen mock accuses, squinting through a cloud of fragrant smoke.

Logan's fingers still and he glances between Antony and Stephen, drink and drugs clouding his ability to read the other man. "Only the tin," he says after a moment, shoulders hunching. "The rest I got the other day in town."

"Dude! I'm teasing!" Stephen snorts. "Fuck, I'm usually so good about what I put in this temple of a body of mine… protein, limiting my sugar, carbs, alcohol.. .it's good to say fuck it for a change. A little weed is nothing, is it?"

"No, it's not." Antony laughs. "Apparently I don't need to train him to be a bad ass," he says with a grin at Marcus.

Logan blushes. "I'm fucking wasted," he points out. "And I don't know you well enough to know when you're serious," he says to Stephen. "He's fucking scary," gesturing to Antony. "So it makes sense you'd be fucking scary." Especially when he's only seen Stephen since the kidnapping.

"Me?! Scary?" Stephen can't help but laugh at that. "Admittedly you haven't seen me at my best...but scary?" he shakes his head and then ruffles Antony's hair. "And this one? Is a fucking pussycat..." he teases, he glances up at Marcus and winks. "Maybe even a cuddly bear..."

Marcus laughs, weirdly thankful to be included in the joke.

"To you maybe," Logan says, tossing Antony another joint. "I'm the least scary one here," he announces, draining another beer.

"You _are_ fucking wasted," Antony says with a chuckle, leaning into Stephen's touch. "Don't let him fool you. He's only the least scary on this beach," he tells Stephen, shaking his head.

"Noooo," Stephen drawls, "that would be me, the decorative actor who, currently, can only kick ass on a TV set. If only I was more Oliver..."

"We can make you as scary as Oliver," Logan says, coming around the fire for another cookie. Scary apparently his favourite new word. "And you have to have learned some of that shit. Unless you're using stunt people."

"I rarely use them, even when Antony gets all growly at me for wearing bruises he didn't put there," Stephen chuckles. "So yeah, I guess I have some of the moves, but not enough. Clearly," he lifts one leg to wave his ankle around in the firelight.

Logan starts to say something more but quiets at a look from Antony. Revising in mid-thought. "You were outnumbered," he says instead. "Bunch of fucking cowards." Grabbing two cookies and taking them back to his side of the fire.

Marcus nods. "Assholes."

Stephen shrugs. "What's done is done. I'm looking forward now. I'm going to come out. I'm going to decide if I want to stay in acting. I'm going to learn how to be as badass as you guys. And we're going to buy a new house with a garden and a pool." he pronounces, lifting his beer in salute.

"And a guesthouse for these wastrels," Antony says with a laugh, reaching to clink his beer bottle against Stephen's.

Both Marcus and Logan salute Stephen as well, Marcus leaning in to knock his bottle against both men's while Logan just gestures from the other side of the fire, deciding the trip around is too dangerous this time.

"Oh hell yes," Stephen nods. "Crappy circumstances may have bought is all together - but here's to new friendships," he tips his bottle at Logan, "and to strengthening existing ones," he turns to Marcus. "I can't thank you guys enough. Not just for getting me out of there, and sticking around while I get my shit together, but for having this guy's back throughout all of it."

Stephen's words mean a lot to Antony, particularly that he would think to thank his men for both what they've done for them and for him. Recognizing their loyalty and unexpected kindness above everything else. He salutes them both with his bottle, wishing Christos and Kim were here as well but maybe this is better, only Christos having been around for it all.

Logan grins. "As you said, I wish the circumstances had been better, but it's been amazing working with these guys again," he says, taking a last drag off one of the joints before pinching it out. "And great making a new friend." He sighs. "I think that's it for me though. I'm going to crash. Otherwise I'll sleep half the day away tomorrow."

"And that is a bad thing why?" Stephen smiles as Logan stands up. "We'll see you tomorrow, whatever time you get your ass out of bed."

"Thanks." Logan grins, swaying just a little. "You'll make sure Christos and Kim take first shift?" he asks Antony.

"I'm texting them now," Antony says, pulling his phone from his pocket. "Make sure they get their asses back here tonight."

"I can keep watch," Marcus offers, waving Logan off to the guesthouse, still more sober than the other three, he assumes.

"Thank you," Stephen smothers a belch with his hand as he drains the last of his beer.

Antony nods his thanks as well. He tucks the joint Logan tossed to him into his shirt pocket and shoves his phone back in his shorts. "I'm ready to call it a night too. Someone'll have to do a beer run in the morning," he says, noting that they've managed to leave only two bottles between the four of them. "Are you coming or staying up?" he asks Stephen.

"I'll follow you up in a moment," Stephen looks up as Antony stands. "I'll get Marcus to walk me back, okay?"

Antony nods, leaning down to give Stephen a quick kiss on the mouth. "Night," he says to Marcus before making his way up the path to the house.

Stephen watches Antony disappear into the dark, becoming a silhouette against the lights of the main house. He stretches out his legs and sighs, turning his gaze back to the flames.

Marcus watches Stephen for a few minutes. "You seem like you're doing better," he observes, wondering if he's right or Stephen's simply putting on a good show.

"Yeah, I think so. Antony and I have talked out some serious stuff. It's not been easy, he's often conflicted between keeping me shielded from the dark parts of himself, and having to be honest in the light of our new understanding. I'm experiencing a little cognitive dissonance with it all, the man I love versus the man he's been..." Stephen shrugs. "It's a fuck tonne to process, these huge shifts in where I thought my life was going and where it's going now."

Marcus nods. "Mine too," he says, although his shifts have come out of Stephen's -- and Antony's. "It'll be interesting."

"It sure will," Stephen grins, he pauses for a moment. "Can I ask you something?"

Marcus nods again. "Go ahead."

"Did he talk to you? While I was being held? Since then? About how he was feeling, how he was coping?" Stephen asks quietly.

"Some," Marcus says. "More when you were being held," he admits. "Since then the few times I've asked, he's just shaken his head and I haven't pushed. But he's one of the few people I can read and after all this time, I usually have a fairly accurate idea of how he's doing."

"And how is he doing? He's spending a lot of time and energy to make sure I'm getting past what happened, but is he?" Stephen picks up a stick and starts to poke at the fire.

Marcus takes a drink of his now luke-warm beer. "He's doing better as you do better," he says after thinking about how to put it. "He won't ever forgive himself for what happened to you but for him, he'll get past it by getting you past it. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, I guess it does." Stephen pokes at the fire again, contemplating Marcus' observations. "What would have happened to him if I'd left over this? Because for a while there, in the week after, that was my plan."

"I don't know," Marcus says quietly. "But it would have devastated him. I don't even want to think about what that would look like," he shakes his head. "But it wouldn't be good for him, or for us, or for anyone. He's got a lot of anger inside him and he's really good at keeping it under control but him hurting the way he would be hurting if he lost you? It scares even me."

Stephen huffs out a noise at that. "It scares you?" he glances up as he tosses the stick in the fire. "I'm all kinds of conflicted because on one hand, to know he loves me _that_ much, given my previous relationship history is really fucking intense. But then he's made it perfectly clear in recent days that he'd not let me go even if I wanted out. I have no choice but to stay and make this work between us. So hearing that from you… fuck, I have no idea what to make of it."

"He _said_ he wouldn't let you go?" Marcus asks.

Stephen nods. "Yeah."

Marcus thinks about that for a moment. "Do you want to go?"

Looking up Stephen meets Marcus' questioning gaze, he doesn't reply immediately, giving, instead, the question an appropriate amount of consideration. "Right now? No. A week ago, I was still considering it as an option. It's not about whether I love him or not because I do. It's about the broken trust - and how damaged our relationship is, a relationship that was already incredibly complex. We can't pick up where we were before this happened. Instead, we've got to construct something new, something different. And that… that is… well it's fucking terrifying."

Marcus nods. "But it could be better too, right?" he says. "If you're coming out, no longer hiding, you can really be together."

"Yes, of course. But those things really should happen organically, not by having to start from the bottom up again. We may still be married, but we're no longer in a power-based relationship." And with that he lifts his fingers to explore the absence at his throat. "Or really even a sexual one," he adds softly.

Which is really more than Marcus wants to know but he's been Stephen's sounding board for a while and he's growing a little less uncomfortable with the position all the time. "Do you still want him?"

This time Stephen's nodding almost before Marcus finishes his question. "Yes. The chemistry is still undeniable. I'm certain I will never meet another man who matches me so perfectly. But I was nearly raped in that hell hole. They did things to me in there that Antony and I used to share as part of our kink, and our sex has always been inextricably linked to our kink and our power dynamic. We don't really have sex that isn't underpinned by the fact he is, _was_ the man that owned me." He scrubs his hand over his face and sighs. "Fucking beer and weed man..."

Marcus smiles at the last, but the rest of it, it's no laughing matter. "Look. You're asking advice from a man who's never had a romantic or sexual relationship in his life. But what I do know is that when Antony came back, after his captivity, after his break, he was terrified to go out on runs with us. Even off the base, period. I could see it in him even if no one else did. He never laughed, never smiled. The tension radiated from him. It took a good half dozen trips before he smiled again, maybe a dozen before he took his eyes off the road and laughed at someone's joke. But he wouldn't have got there if he'd stayed back at the base or gone for a desk job. He had to put himself back out there. And if you're asking my advice, and not just for a shoulder or an ear, I think you have to do the same." Marcus exhales, watching Stephen, knowing he's probably fucking up even before he speaks, but Stephen's talking to him and he's not going to be quiet. "Fuck him. Literally. Forget the power dynamic stuff and just tell him to lie there and you get on top - I assume guys can do that," he says, frowning for a moment. "And you fuck him. It probably won't be fun or arousing or maybe it will be, but you're looking to trigger muscle memory here, override all the thoughts, the images in your head. So turn on all the lights, tell him to let you be in charge, focus on your own pleasure and fuck him."

Marcus's words strike right at the core of Stephen's feelings. He's been playing over and over in his head how he behaved when he sucked Antony off a few days back. Since then he's limited their intimate contact with kisses and touches, and Antony has respected that, albeit a little reluctantly at times. He'd been experiencing cognitive dissonance every time he'd recalled it - because without a doubt he had been in charge, and Antony had allowed it. Which is exactly what Marcus is suggesting here. He nods, his jaw working as he works his way through it. "Thank you," he offers, pushing up to stand. "I mean it. No one knows him as well as the two of us. And I know you'll always be brutally honest with me. And I need that. He and I need that." He moves toward Marcus. "I know you're not the kind of guy that does hugs n shit...but thank you." Stephen offers his hand instead.

"You're welcome," Marcus says with a small smile, shaking Stephen's hand, surprised that he somehow managed to say the right thing. "I'm glad I could help," he adds and he means it.

"Walk me back?" Stephen asks as he lets Marcus' hand fall away. "And Marcus, if there is ever, anything I can do for you, please ask."

Marcus's smile deepens a fraction and he rises to his feet, scuffing out the last of the fire. "I might take you up on that," he says. "Some day." Gesturing for Stephen to lead the way back up to the main house.

[feedback welcome. comments screened.]


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